The Problem With Having Children

"I don’t want kids." Or, “I want to wait 5-10 years before I have kids.” These are comments I’ve heard from a lot of my friends lately. From what I’m seeing, the majority of my generation either doesn’t want kids, or wants to wait a good long time before they start.

I have to say, that I used to be one of those people. I wanted a smashing career, I wanted to travel. I wanted to live life and experience the world. I didn’t want to be tied down taking care of kids.

I remember being so upset when I found out I was pregnant just a few weeks after my wedding. I felt like my life was over and I’d never be able to do the things I’d wanted. I feel ashamed to admit that I had some very horrible thoughts towards the inconvenience inside of me about to take over my life.

My heart changed though once I surrendered to the idea that the life inside of me was a blessing. He was pre-ordained, he had a purpose. Feeling the little kicks and seeing his tiny fingers and toes on the ultrasound images melted my heart. I realized that my thoughts on the matter were that of pure selfishness.

It's a heart thing

Some of my friends are on the other end of the spectrum and have children one right after the other. Either way though, I believe very much that it’s our hearts and mindset that we need to be examining. Not wanting children for selfish reasons is just as bad as wanting children for selfish reasons.

In Genesis, Leah had several sons. Everytime she gave birth though, it was a plea for her husband’s affections. With each baby she was given, she was sure that now her husband would finally love her. But he never did. Finally, when she had her fourth baby she said “This time I will praise the Lord.”

I like to think that Leah finally came to the conclusion that even though her husband didn’t love her, God did. Her heart just hadn’t been in the right place before. We’re not all called to have children, but we are all called to be servants. To love each other deeply and to sacrifice ourselves wholly to God’s will.

When the mindset is on what we want to accomplish first, what we’d be missing out on and the inconveniences brought about by caring for another life, then the heart is in the wrong place.

This is absolutely something I struggle with, but I’ve found these verses in Philipians to be a great reminder to put the interests of others first.

Philippians 2:4 – Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, rather in humility consider others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interested of the others. In your relationships with one another have the same mindset as Christ Jesus… He made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant.

And this verse in Romans.

Romans 12:1 Offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God – this is your true and proper worship.

Selfishness is the epicenter of our sin natures and it’s such a prevalent part of our culture that its easy to blindly embrace it.

I love my son more than almost anything and he has been such a huge blessing in my life. I’ve continued to go to school and do all of the other things I was sure I wouldn’t be able to after he was born. I’m experiencing and sharing life with him, when before I had thought that my life would end with kids.

So I guess my final question for you is this:

Are you living the life you do because it’s what YOU want, or are you experiencing the fulfillment and blessing of all that God wants to give you?