Loving Your spouse Even When its Hard

Image Credit: Flickr CC - Jamey M. Photography

I talked about how I learned to love my son the other day, but I’m also finding that I’m still learning to love my husband. We love each other a lot of course, which is one of the main reasons we decided to get married. Everyone tells you how hard marriage is, but it’s hard to believe them until you’re in the trenches yourself.

There really isn’t too much about how to treat your husband in the Bible, other than the “wives submit to your husbands” part. As I become a little more seasoned, I’ve discovered that the Bible does have a lot to say about loving and sacrificing for each other though.

We asked the minister at our wedding to read these verses, and we made them a part of our marriage vows. The Bible gives a clear outline of what true love is, all we have to do is follow the blueprint. Of course my selfish desires too frequently get in the way, but I feel good knowing that I have a clear picture of what I’m striving for.

The Love Blueprint

1 Corinthians 13:4-8
Love is patient – Even when they still haven’t put the socks in the laundry basket for the millionth time.

Love is kind – Responding with a kind spirit and tone smooths things over when they’re tense, and helps keep them from getting to that point when things are going well.

It does not envy – When one of you is at work and the other has to stay home with a colicky baby.

It does not boast – Rejoicing with them for their accomplishments instead of rubbing in your own.

It is not proud – Humility in marriage is a hard, yet frequent lesson for me.

It does not dishonor others – We’re supposed to respect and honor our spouse, not putting them down in front of others, especially our kids.

It is not self-seeking – If you seek their interests and needs, they’ll be more inclined to seek your needs which is so much more fulfilling than trying to do everything for yourself.

It is not easily angered -Back to the part about patience, it’s easy to get frustrated with each other when you’re around each other all the time. When you try to love the other person though, situations that could be downright frustrating are easily water under the bridge.

It keeps no records of wrongs – Dredging up everything and rehashing it is satisfying at first, but then you both end up hurt. It’s best to let it go and take things as they come.

Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth

Love bears all things – Bearing your spouse’s burden uplifts you both.

Believes all things – Supporting them and believing that they can accomplish what they need to. Believing them when they tell you something. Trust is really key in a marriage.

Hopes all things – Hope that they’ll start fulfilling their end of things, hope that they’ll get the promotion at work, hope that

Endures all things – No matter how tough things can get, you endure it with them and for them.

Love never fails – As people we fail all too often, but we can strive to never give up on loving our spouse.

Emulating God's love

This is such a beautiful chapter that its easy to get caught up in the poetry of the words. I try to occasionally meditate on the words though and mentally apply them to how I should be acting and reacting in my marriage. Of course being the fallible creatures that we are we’re not always going to love our spouse perfectly.

We do have the perfect example to follow though. Husbands are told to love their wives like Christ loved the church, sacrificing everything for them, nurturing and leading them. As you read through the gospels and see how much Christ loved the people, it’s a powerful image of how we’re called to love our spouses.

Sometimes when I think he's not acting the way he should, its easy for me to brush off my behavior. I'll start treating him well once he treats me well. But we're told that God loved us so much that "even while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." If Christ can die for people who were abusing him, the least we can do is love our spouses with this same kind of love, even when we don't feel like they're living up to their end of the bargain.